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Spewing drunk opinions can make you look like an idiot

Ok, so here is the RANT I teased a few days ago about being told I was not a full time mom.

But first, I must first add this disclaimer: I refuse to debate the pros/cons of being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. One is not better or worse than the other because each family is different and every single person cares for their family differently. You can have one working mom who is great at it and one who sucks at it, JUST AS SURELY as you can have one stay-at-home mom who is great at it and one who sucks at it.

So this post is not about working mom vs. a stay-at-home mom. There is no right or wrong about it. Either you are a GOOD mom or you are a BAD mom (and for most of us, some weeks a little of both because we are human) but if you do your best and your children are healthy, happy, and know they are loved then you are doing something right. Whether you work or not is a personal thing that husbands and wives need to figure out together, for themselves, and once they do, each needs to take responsibility for their decision and not straddle the line. Life is blurry enough, so if you stay home then just do it well and don’t complain and if you work, then just do it well and don’t complain and that goes for all the husbands too. A good parent/person just figures out a way to make it work.

Disclaimer over, on to the drunk comment my hubby’s friend made. So drunk friend of my hubby commented that because I work I am not a full time mom and I take offense to that. Just because I go into an office five days a week does not mean that I stop being a mom. It does not mean that I “get a break”, it does not mean that I stop thinking of/worrying about/missing my child, it does not mean out of sight out of mind. My family comes first, period. Yes, I have a career that claims my time but in no way, ever, does it come before my family. When my son is sick, I stay home with him. When my son transitioned to his new room at school, I went into work late so I could be there. When my hubby had a surf accident and had to get stitches, I left work and met him at the hospital. When my hubby was stranded because his truck repairs took longer than he was told, I left work, picked him up so he’d have a car and had him take me back to work. And then, on the days that my son and hubby are well, safe, and sound, I put extra effort into my work so I can make up for the time I needed to be with family. It is a balancing act but worth it.

Two other reasons I take offense to his comment is one: it didn’t apply to him. He considers himself a full time dad even though he works, and two: if I am not considered full time because I work, then what does that make my husband who, being a firefighter works 24 hour shifts, often 3-4 days in a row? Is he a now only a 1/4-time dad? No way. My hunky hubby is all in and I love that about him, he is nurturing with our son, is there for me, and even though he defers diaper duty to me every single time when we are all together, (he does change him if I am not there but he never fails to tell me how many poop diapers he had to change), there is no way he is not a full time dad.

And to take it a step further, what about my mom and dad? They have two kids in their late 30s but are there for us every second of every day and are also a wonderful Nana and Grandpa to their grandson, who they don’t see every day because my folks live 500 miles away. But I promise you they are not “part-time” parents to me and my brother or “part-time” grandparents to their grandson.

It was a stupid comment made by a drunk guy after a long day in the sun so I let it go but later, thinking about it, because that is just me, it ticked me off enough to need to post about it. No surprise. It’s how I’m wired.

I guess I just don’t look at life in the way where I feel I need to compare my life to others. I spend my energy focusing on my family, not what everyone else is doing. I’m not a overly religious person but I pay attention and I learn things and Matthew 7:1 says, “Judge not that ye be not judged”. I guess I am at a point in my life where I understand that people make their way in the world differently, so unless it directly affects/harms me and my family (or you are one of those super crazed Michael Jackson fans – sorry but some of those people are too nuts not to judge), I am not going to judge you on the decisions you make. I may not always agree, I probably will have my own opinion but I don’t have the need to share it all the time and I certainly don’t have the need to tell you that you are wrong or that my way is better than your way.

Free will people. You often get to chose your lot in life and you have to make the best of what you’ve got and if you stop complaining long enough, you will see the beauty of what you have, (especially in love, family, children) outweighs just about everything else.

Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

And for hubby’s drunk friend, next time, you might just want to keep your opinion to yourself.

gingerbreadmama

Comments

  1. You are sooo right Coreen, i love this post, so true on every level. But I have to admit, I sometimes waver on being a working mom, I just do because so many days I want to be at home with my baby, however where we are today works, and with that I am happy! Thanks for posting this! Hope you had a good weekend, I got the summer cold from my son…pluk. XOXO

  2. Thanks Tara. And I think we all have days where we waiver and that is ok but I have friends who complain A LOT either about working or about staying home. Venting is ok, but constant complaining doesn't help any situation, you have to actually do something about it!

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