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The Unglamorous Aspect of Pregnancy

File this under TMI and stop reading if you are squeamish but something is going on with me that didn’t happen when I was pregnant with Fussypants. Thank GOD for websites like this and this to help answer the embarrassing pregnancy questions.

What’s my deal? To put it simply, I am experiencing elephantiasis of the vajayjay. That’s right. I feel like my hoohoo is the size of Texas.

I get it that my body is producing more blood and that various parts of my body are swollen and expanding but when it looks like you are smuggling a burger in your panties, somethings not right…right?

Because I cannot really see down there over my belly, I’ve tried checking myself out with a mirror and even asked Hunky Hubby what the deal was, both of which didn’t provide satisfactory answers.

So after googling and self-diagnosing all sorts of horrible things, I finally just had my doctor check me this morning. Thankfully it is not something super scary but it is varicose veins. According to my research:

“Varicosities can occur on the labia and perineum (between the vaginal opening and the anus). Usually, these occur as a result of increasing pressure of the growing uterus and the pooling of blood, which is normal for pregnancy. They are like bulges in the vessel wall and can be compressed with a finger but will refill right away when pressure is stopped. They are not sore but may be uncomfortable. The best treatment for these is rest. Avoid sitting or being in one position for too long. Walking is good exercise because it keeps the blood moving.”

In addition to walking, or laying down and elevating my hips and feet (so easy to do when you sit at a computer all day, right?) I was also told I should be wearing my maternity support device (what the?) but my doctor explained that it’s one of those belts that helps hold the abdomen up, relieving pressure on the uterus and other areas. I think I have one of those somewhere.

So until I give birth and the varicosities subdue, if you see me waddling around, give me a sympathetic smile because I feel like I’ve got a minivan parked in my girlie parts.



  1. Lol, sorry I know this is not funny, but the last line got me…one of my girlfriends had the exact same thing…she was really uncomfortable too through her whole pregnancy…It is funny what the body will do from one pregnancy to the next…hang in there!

  2. You're hilarious! Pregnancy does some strange things to our bodies, doesn't it?

    I can't say that I had a vajayjay the size of Texas, but I did wear one of those support belts because my back hurt (especially towards the end of my pregnancy) and it helped a lot to relief the pressure. If I'm thinking of the same device, I'm not sure how it would/could help with your issue, but it's worth a try.

    Good luck to you and keep us posted. :)

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