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Yeah, That’s Not Going To Happen

This post may not be for the faint of heart…

Just about any woman who has given birth vaginally fears that first poop. No amount of Colace can ease the worry. Pooping after an episiotomy (sp?) or stitches in the perineum is just horrific, factor in hemorrhoids – which are, sadly, a very common occurrence in pregnancy and the very thought of pooping can strike fear in your heart. One of my friends was so freaked out about it, she didn’t go for EIGHT days.

This blogrant isn’t all about pooping (although once you become a parent, bodily functions do actually become normal topics of conversation), but I had to set it up.

I ran out of Colace, and I had to go #2. I thought about it all day. I even tried to meditate so when I did go, I’d be calm about it. I didn’t discuss this with my husband because below the belt still needs to be alluring to him. After 14 years together, the mystery and wonder of my girlie parts may be waning but he still needs to view that area as sexy.

Finally, I just couldn’t put it off any longer. And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect, the baby had been fed and was sleeping in her daddy’s arms, and our son was bathed and watching TV so I assumed I had some time to just go and let it happen.

Whatever, there is no privacy or alone-time when you have a husband and children. I wasn’t in the bathroom for more than four minutes when I heard my husband inquiring “where are you” as he brought our daughter into the bathroom, followed by our crying son. He then says, “how much longer are you going to be, I’ve got one who seems hungry and is sucking on my bicep and another that bumped his head and is crying”.

FOUR minutes, and all hell breaks loose?

My response lacked grace, and was something like “dude, what do you want me to do? Trying to poop here, not like I can feed the baby right now. Put her in the bassinet and I’ll deal with her when I am done. As for Fussypants, is he bleeding? If not, get him some ice and give him a kiss and make it better, I don’t need the entire family in here right now”.

My BFF asked me to join her and some other friends on Saturday afternoon at a bar by the beach to celebrate her birthday. I don’t see that happening since my alone time is limited to less than four minutes.



  1. Love the new look and it's great to have you back.

    Great post… I remember those first few days aFter having LMW and not being able to "go". Back up is not a good thing, but none of the OTC stuff worked for me.

    Hope things get worked out for you soon. :)

  2. All good, phew! Though I won't be hanging out for Jen's bday this weekend. Newborn daughters are scary for some daddys! He got an ot shift anyway.

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