Driving home from church, singing along to Fix My Eyes, her favorite For King and Country song, all seemed happy and right in the world, but as her song ended, she quietly asked
When you and daddy are gone, will I still have brother?
I looked in my rear view mirror and saw her looking back at me, with eyes wide. I said, I hope so honey, why are you asking?
Because I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to sing my song alone.
I didn’t know how to answer her, she’s not quite five and doesn’t need to bear the burden of our mortality before she can fully comprehend it.
But her question made my heart ache and I wanted to answer it right.
I thought about telling her that of course we’d always be here, and of course she’d never be alone. But she’s not quite five, and we won’t always be here.
I reached back and took her hand in mine and said
We don’t know when our time here will end but you have me and daddy and brother, and nana and grandpa and uncle and grandma and friends and God. You won’t ever really be alone. Always know that if one of us is gone, we will always be in your heart, singing with you.
She was quiet, her eyes still wide, but my words seemed to pacify her. A few seconds later her brother said something to make her laugh and the moment passed.
Because, you know, she’s not quite five.