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Pour Your Heart Out: Beyond Salvage

pouryourheart1-e1328022968330This is a difficult subject to write about not only for the subject matter (infidelity in a marriage with children that is now heading for divorce) but also because it’s not really my story to tell, so I have to tell it without too many details. Know that it is not about me, but about people I’m close to and because of this affair, my relationship with all involved with be forever changed.

Someone I love made some very bad choices and did something really stupid and hurt a lot of other people I love. This person knew better. In fact, this person had this done to them a long long time ago so knew deep down what an unforgivable hurt it would cause.

And yet.

They did it anyway. Instead of talking to the multiple someones, myself included,  they should have talked to when things in the marriage were rocky, they instead plunged into an illicit relationship with an outsider.

So maybe that’s what I’m really angry about. I felt blindsided. Why didn’t this person come to me and let me know what was happening before causing irrevocable damage?

When the guilty party called to tell me what was going on, their relationship was already beyond salvage. And I was shocked, then numb, extremely pissed off, sad and pissed off again. Because of my relationship with this person, I have chosen to support them through this mess. I don’t really have a choice, there are just certain things you do for family. But part of me wants to throttle this person. Yell at them. Maybe even throw something. I want to reach out to the other person involved and say I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, I’m as shocked, pissed and sad as you are. I want to scoop the child in my arms and shelter them from all of it. Kiss it and make it all better. But this other person wants nothing to do with me or my family because of this. I didn’t even know it was going on, but this mistake by another has reverberated far and wide. And that pisses me off too.

I can’t make it better. This didn’t happen directly to me. I’m part of the inner circle but I wasn’t there. I didn’t know until it was too late. And I cannot fix it.

What I can do is listen, be there, offer support and hope that one day my relationship with everyone involved, while forever changed, will somehow mend to the point that we can begin again.




Letters For You

I have the privilege of participating in my dear friend Tonya’s Letters for You series today. Tonya, who writes beautifully at Letters For Lucas, is an inspiration and a lifeline, and I am thrilled to be part of something so sentimental and special.

Check out my letter to my husband, who I couldn’t fathom doing this parenting thing without, here: Letters For You


Bliss: the wedding anniversary kind

Yeah, I love him (and he puts up with my silliness)

On October 28, 2000 I married the man of my dreams, he is my friend, my lover, sometimes my better half. He can make me laugh, cry, think, do. I’m a better me because of him.

11 years married (15 total, we met in 1996) and I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. Is it all perfect bliss? Hell no. We rant, we rave, we give each other stink eye. Having two young children brought a whole new meaning to the definition of spontaneous. His work schedule means that he sometimes misses special days (he is working today, in fact) but no matter what,  we are in it together. This is our life, every day of it, something we are building as a team. It’s a wild and crazy adventure, we’ve been through so much together. And the best part? I get to hold his hand through it all.

I love these lines from this song, Hey Girl:

“Well I’ll give you my heart
And I will give you all my soul
And you can have me money
And if you’d like you can have control
And all I want from you is love
And a little bit of faith
Maybe trust, honesty
Goes a long, long way
In my mind, I miss you
Every night that you’re not there
And all I’d like to do is sit around and breathe your air
And although you don’t feel
The things that I might do
All I need is just you

October 28, 2000
I’m not sure where the tie on the head tradition came from, but all his friends did it.

Happy anniversary to my super hot hunk of a husband. I’m thinking this occasion calls for an overnight babysitter so we can properly celebrate. So gonna hit my folks up tomorrow at Fussypant’s soccer game. For you, for me.

I love you!